"Do we need to visit daily?"
"If you were a father in the ICU, wouldn't you like your kids to visit you daily when they are all living within reasonable distance to do so?"
After a week, Ummi is still in the ICU. Still depending on the respiratory machine. They took her off the 24/hour dialysis machine and changed it to a 6/hour machine for one day and returned to the 24/hour machine the next day. She's getting better, but not good enough. Still depending on lots of medication to keep her internal organs functioning better. She's off and on the sedative - because at times when she's conscious, she tried to remove IV lines, attached to numerous bags of medicine and fluid.
I've been told that she is more conscious nowaday compared to a week back, but still very, very weak. She may be able to respond to questions by blinking her eyes, moving her head or her hand, but she still could not speak. It's understandable - just seeing all those IV lines, the equipments, the oxygen tube, the wires attached to the EKG monitor, the pulse oximeter on her finger - it is very clear that she's in a lot of pain. Even a healthy person can feel quite overwhelmed by all the monitors and equipments that beep, squeal and make unfamiliar sounds.
It would be very unfeeling for any person to see somebody lying in the ICU and not feel anything.
Nevertheless, at times I ask myself when I visit her- why am I here? What am I doing here? Am I doing it out of duty? Out of responsibility? Am I doing it because I want my children to emulate me some day? That - even when I doubt I'm doing this out of love, somehow I figure this is the 'right' thing to do?
I am still asking myself those questions. I don't know how long she'll remain warded in the ICU. All the nurses and the doctors we asked have been giving the same answer - it's hard to predict how long a patient will be in the ICU. Still, I believe that - even when she remains unconscious whenever I visit her - Ummi would appreciate having her children visiting her everyday...
6 comments:
Dear AZ,
I don't know the history between the two of you but I think..Don't ask why or for what...just be there whenever you can so that you'll have no regret whatsoever.
yeah sometime a daughter got to do what a daughter got to do- if we dont - akan ada lah rasa kesal dan terkilan - even if you be there out of responsibility rather than love - it still will make her happy I guess - inside she ll be happy because she has a daughter like u despite she herself not being the best mother to u - moga2 dipermudahkan - whatever it is :)
better la you are there.... at least menjengah....
like rad and E says... kalau you dah pergi, you takkan rasa terkilan....
you take care and keep me updated. and like E, me and Althie pun doakan yang terbaik for your Ummi....
Hope sshe'll be OK soon.
Saya rasa itu adalah satu perkara yang betul dan munasabah untuk dilakukan oleh seorang anak terhadap insan yang melahirkannya. Tunaikan haknya. Mendoakan agar dipermudahkan segala urusan.
i feel this post. the missus and myself were living overseas when her late father had multiple complications. we came back to nurse him full time for 3 yrs till his last breath putting our career and lives on hold.
some people say you're not being productive cos there's nothing you can do anyways. hakikatnya, even when parents tak mengharap kehadiran anak2, they appreciate you being there. walau terlantar they know.
you're doing the right thing. ikhlas kan hati, insyaallah ada ganjarannya
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